My 2nd pregnancy

Everyone always tells you that no two pregnancies, like no two children, are the same.  I did not know how true that was until my second pregnancy.  For a little background my first pregnancy was easy, I had some morning sickness during my first trimester, a mystery rash we had trouble getting rid of, and leaking fluid at the end I wasn't aware of.  Even my first labor was pretty good.  They induced my at 7am and despite my child being sunny side up and only being able to get her to do a quarter turn before I had to push after 10 1/2 hours I had my baby girl, who despite being blue was very healthy.  I love my first pregnancy, was one of those women it made me happy, and I actually enjoyed being pregnant.
When I got pregnant in October everything was different.  My husband and I tried to plan accordingly so that I could miss as little work as possible, so that we could financially be in a better position when  #2 got here.  I found out in October that I was pregnant and due in July.  For a teacher who doesn't want to miss work that was great and then it felt like the other shoe kept dropping.  Don't get me wrong I am so excited about having another baby girl and I know how blessed I am to be pregnant.  I also know that without this particular pregnancy I would not get the daughter that I am ment to have, but that does not mean I have to enjoy this pregnancy.  My morning sickness this time was really bad they even had to give me an rx for it this time, and it didn't magically go away at the end of my first trimester, but I thought I can handle this, it's totally worth it.  The week before thanksgiving long before we had told our families my dad died and I never got to tell him about this baby girl.  I know that he knows about her and is so excited, I don't think he loved anything more than his family particularly adding new members.  But I missed a wonderful moment where I got to share this news with him and hear that excitement in his voice.  I am still having a hard time after my dad died and that coupled with pregnancy hormones is making this a very weepy pregnancy.  I however thought that this would be my big trial during my pregnancy and I was wrong.
Around 15-16 weeks I started having really bad headaches and dizzy spells.  I called the ob and they told me I was likely dehydrated and to try drinking a lot.  Well after about three weeks of this getting nothing but worse, missing a lot of work, and seeing several doctors I finally had a name for what I was going through... POTS.  When I stand my heart rate goes way up and my bp goes down because I am struggling to have enough blood volume for my all of my body and my body is diverting the blood flow that I do have to my baby instead of my heart and brain when I stand.  This is why I feel so much like I'm going to pass out.  Along with that ther are headaches, a fuzzy brain, blurry vision, and other assorted symptoms.  After several more tests my heart is functioning fine, but they are not comfortable treating me with any medications while pregnant and I will have to be out of work during the remainder of my pregnancy.  I know this is the plan for me, but this is not what I wanted.  I struggle every day trying to help with daily tasks and caring for my older child when I can, but this is not what I wanted.
Now at almost 28 weeks I feel awful.  It's that same feeling I got about two weeks before I had my daughter last time.  I am achy.  I am nauseous.  I am miserable and trying to figure out how I am going to make through another 12 weeks or so, not that I think this one will make it to term.  As I near my third trimester this time I am so much more scared and worried about what may go wrong for me and my little girl.
I know how lucky I am to be pregnant with this little girl, but I don't feel like it means that I have to enjoy this experience.  I know how terrible it is for me to complain when there are so many who would change places with me Ina heartbeat even through this difficult pregnancy.

Pregnancy #2

So I am 24 weeks pregnant with my 2nd little girl and thank God she is healthy, but this has been an awful experience for me.  At about 16 weeks I started having headaches and dizzy spells every time I stood.  After a couple weeks and several different Drs I was diagnosed with pots.  I have been out of work already for about six weeks and they just put me out for the remainder of my pregnancy because I am too symptomatic and by that I mean that my heart rate goes from about 65 when sitting to about 120 when standing along with a bp drop.  Disability has yet to kick in so right now my husband and I are trying to use my inheritance from my dad to support my half of the bills.  Add to this I am not healthy enough to go to work, but i am still trying to plan all my lessons and grade all my papers because I'm a teacher.  Pots with a two year old(almost) is not only challenging but heart breaking.  In order to take care of myself to take care of my unborn child I feel like I am neglecting my daughter.  I cannot stand and hold her, my husband is the one who sings her to sleep every night because rocking in the rocking chair is too much for me most nights.  I have to get any other family member to take my daughter to mommy and me dance because she loves it but I can hardly stand.  I am cooped up in the house all the time and I feel like my family is suffering with me.  Now I am starting to be terrified of the fact that once my second daughter is born atleast at first I may not be able to care for either one of them.  How do you deal with that as a mother?

motherhood

I sit here and wonder what kind of little girl is she going to be.  She acts more like me and looks more like her daddy everyday.  She is so thoughtful and thinks so hard.  She also has the greatest temperament especially considering how,sick she has been in the past ten months.  Now that I start to get excited about trying for another baby in another couple of months I wonder how she will do with a brother or sister.  She's very friendly, but she's also never had to share her mommy before.  With as thoughtful as she is I think she's going to make a great big sister one day hopefully sooner than later.  My hubby says we have to sell the house first because we have out grown it I think that we should go with it and it will all work out the way it is supposed to.  We will see whose plan wins out in the end.

ten months

It is crazy here.  She's almost ten months old trying to walk and starting to talk.  Family problems are still causing some discomfort.  That's not my biggest problem though.  Other people are getting pregnant and having babies and I want another one so bad.  I know now's not a great time Q's almost 10 months old we need a new and bigger house.  All the logic in the world does not make me want it any less but I know now's not quite time yet.

Tough Day

Today has been a really tough day.  It started when neither my alarm clock nor my husbands went off this morning and this is of course the morning my daughter slept until 10 til 7.  Once you are late it throws everything off.  I had a tough day trying to motivate my ninth graders to complete their work today.  To top it all of I got verbally accosted via text during my afterschool staff metting.  My younger sister sent me several text messages and the general gist of them all is that I am making it incredibly difficult for the family to see my daughter and I must not care if she is part of the family or not.  Eventhough I do not see them anyless than I did before my daughter was here.  This really makes me mad and frustrates me to no end.  I feel like I am doing the best that I can over here to try to accommodate everyone and actually get to spend some quality time with my daughter.  Its like no one understands how hard it is to be a working mom to a six month old.  They all assume that I spend all this time with her and just won't share but in actuality I get to spend very little time with her when she is awake.  I also am a terrible person because I told them it was too hard to make plans on a school night for my sisters birthday we would have to do it on the weekend.  Everyone is allowed to have a tough schedule to work around but me and when I do it makes me some aweful person.  Now I feel like maybe I am just bad at this.  I also don't have anyone to talk to about it my husband is so busy until football season is over, it seems that I have alienated everyone on both sides of the family, and then my two friends live nowhere near me.  I feel like I have no backup and no one is taking the time to appreciate where I am coming from.

They grow up too fast

My sweet baby girl will be six months old on Friday and it is amazing how fast she is growing.  Who knew that six months was all the time that I got to spend with the cuddly version of my baby girl.  She has gotten to the point where she doesn't wants you to hold her very much.  Not when she falls asleep and not even during the day.  She used to sit in the recliner with me or my husband for long periods of time even sleep that way, well that is no more.  She is also developing a fiercely independent streak which she inherited honestly from me.  I have always been my mother's most independent child and now it looks like my little girl, who is starting to look more and more like me, is the same way.  These are the moments that are bittersweet I am so excited to see her learn and grow everyday, to watch the wonder in her eyes every time she learns or does something new.  I am also so sad to know that my baby girl no longer wants to sleep on my chest at night particularly when she is sick.  These are the joys and perils of motherhood.

I am 26 and the mother of a little girl who will be six months old next week.  People keep telling me that I need to start doing something for myself or I am going to go crazy or crazier anyway.  Well this is my shot at something for me something where I can share my thought which I do so much better on paper or computer as it may be than in person.  Today I read an article a high school classmate of mine shared on facebook.  It was an article on whether or not to let your children go trick-or-treating and I always find these arguments so interesting so I read it.  The article was so much more the whole point of the article is that it shouldn't matter.  I agree as mothers (even I am guilty sometimes) we spend so much time judging each other for our choices that we do not keep the important things in mind.  What is really important is that for the most part we all love our children just the same and we are all trying as hard as we can to make what we feel like are the best decisions for our family.  As soon as people find out that you are pregnant they can be so critical.  They judge you based on how much weight you gain then after the baby gets here on whether you decide to breastfeed your baby or not, where they sleep, and even when you try to introduce solid foods.  And lets just be honest none of it is ever right.  Then I got to thinking about how wonderful it would be if  as a group we could try to stop judging each other for the choices we make and start supporting each other because lets face it we could all use a little more of that.  I personally would love it if I could have a group of mommy friends.  I have never been one to have many close friends but most people don't and right now I am at a point in my life where I am the only one of my friends with a baby.  That means that as much as we love each other we don't have nearly as much in common right now which doesn't mean that I don't want them as my friends anymore I just wish that I had a small group of other moms of a similar age to compare notes with after all this is now the best and most prominent aspect of my life.  No one understands you better than someone who is going through these major life events right there with you.  Everyone says that it comes with time as your children go through school but we shall see.  Motherhood is the greatest gift and the greatest challenge that there is.  It is the only thing that I have ever known I have wanted to do for my whole life and I love it more than I could even express, but that does not mean that it does not have its challenges.